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Hindu Weddings
A Hindu wedding is a religious ceremony and one of the most important of the sixteen Hindu sanskars or sacraments. It is seen, not only as the bond between two people, but also the bond between two families.
The ceremony lasts a minimum of one-and-a-half-hours, but the preparations and celebrations begin weeks before the actual ceremony and continue afterwards.
The Hindu service is performed by a male Brahmin priest in accordance with the holy verses (mantras) from the Vedas -- the Hindu holy book.
The ceremony takes place in a venue chosen by the bride's family. This is normally a town hall or community hall, or a hotel, depending on the budget of the bride's family. There are then blessings in the temple after the service.
The Hindu wedding ceremony is not recognised by British law. It is therefore also necessary to marry in a civil register office and follow this with a Hindu ceremony.
A Hindu wedding is a vibrant, culturally-rich event, so soak up the atmosphere and enjoy your day. To Hindus, marriage is regarded as a sacrament and the Hindu male needs to get married to enter a vital part of his life: grihasti (the householder). It is his socio-religious duty as it fulfils the three aims of a man's life:
- Dharma: his duty to his family and society.
- Prajana: children. This is where he is expected to have children to benefit his family name, the human race and appease the souls of his dead relatives.
- Rati: literally, sensual pleasure where a man seeks sensual intimacy within legitimate bounds.
I have never been to a Hindu Wedding, what should I expect ?
Hindu weddings are colourful events with pre-wedding ceremonies lasting for weeks although, due to time constraints, the actual ceremony might only last for two to three hours. If you are invited to a Hindu wedding, find out what type of Hindu celebration to expect.
What will the bride be wearing ?
There are regional differences, which are reflected in the ceremonies on offer.
With regional exceptions, if you wish to be a traditional Hindu bride, you wear a wedding gown or sari in red and white symbolising fertility, wealth and purity. Your hands and feet are be painted by your family with henna (red dye) in the mehendi ceremony, either before or during the wedding ceremony. Haldi (turmeric paste - a yellow spice) is applied to your groom's body before he bathes and he generally wears a tikka (red dye) on his forehead.
What should I wear to the wedding?
Guests can wear what they wish, though it is best to avoid black. Men dress in suits or traditional dress. Female guests wear suits, dresses or saris. Dress in an inoffensive manner. Women should wear a dress or skirts which cover their legs and shirts or a shawl to cover their arms during the wedding ceremony itself. Take a scarf or shawl to cover your head and see what the other females are doing. If they cover their heads, do likewise. Both genders should cover their arms to avoid causing any unintended offence.
What food is likely to be served ?
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The food is likely to be vegetarian, although the rice pudding dish (var), which is traditionally served at Kashmiri weddings, can contain lamb. The feasts are sumptuous so be prepared to eat a lot. Cutlery is not always used so follow tradition and eat off banana leaves with your fingers. Alcohol is generally not served at Hindu weddings and you are introduced to exotic drinks such as mathis (salted buttermilk) instead. In some communities, the bride and groom mingle with their guests during the feast after the wedding but the bride's time is often engaged with post-wedding ceremonies.
What should I buy as a gift ?
Ask the bride or groom about presents if this is practical or follow the Hindu way and give gifts of cash.
Can I take photographs at the ceremony?
It is a good idea to ask about taking pictures as not all of the ceremonies can be photographed.
Are Hindu Weddings all arranged ?
Wedding traditions vary according to each family and custom but the marriage itself is traditionally arranged by both sets of parents, although you both have the right to refuse the match if you wish. Compatibility is important and your horoscopes are often compared to judge the match. In addition, the time and date of the ceremony are decided by astrological charts.
Are there any date which are prohibited to get married on?
Astrological charts are consulted to choose a day for the wedding that's considered auspicious. Some days are not permitted for weddings: the Hindu calendar is lunar based, and has a day in each month called Amas, for instance, when it is forbidden to marry. It is also impossible to marry during Shraaddh, a two-week period during September, and 15 days before the festival of Holi. These periods are considered as unlucky for marriage. In each case the Hindu calendar must be consulted, as these dates change each year.
What will happen at the ceremony ?
The ceremony begins with the Hasta Melaap when the bride's right hand is placed into the groom's right hand and the priest chants the holy verses.
The bride and groom are joined together by a piece of white cloth -- one end tied to the corner of the bride's sari, the other to the groom's scarf
A fire is lit in the centre of the Mandap to invite the fire god to witness the union and the right hands of the couple are tied together with blessed thread, their palms filled with rice, oats and leaves to signify wealth, health, happiness and prosperity. These are then offered to the fire.
The couple then perform the Lawan Phere, a ritual in which they walk around the fire four times. Each time round, the stop to touch a stone in their path that symbolises obstacles in life that they will overcome together.
This symbolises the four human goals in Hinduism -- in the context of a wedding, these are: faith, financial stability, procreation and liberation of the soul.
The ceremony itself follows a very strict pattern. It contains no readings, but does involve music, chosen by the bride and groom. This music is usually a mixture of the latest Bollywood film songs, and some older soundtracks, the lyrics of which are all very romantic.
The most important part of the marriage ceremony is the Saptapadi. Facing north, the bride and groom take seven steps together. Each step calls upon God to bless the couple for strength, food, progeny, family, prosperity, happiness and life-long friendship.The bride comes to the groom's left, which symbolically leaves his right side free to take on the world.
Then follows Saubhagya Chinya when the groom places sindoor (holy red powder) on the bride's forehead to welcome her into his life as his partner. He also gives her a necklace of black beads -- a mangalsutra -- as a symbol of his love, integrity and devotion towards her.
The bride and groom then feed each other sweetmeats as a promise of fidelity and to love and cherish each other forever. This is known as Anna-Prashana.
The service ends with the Ashirwaad -- blessings from the priest, parents and close relatives. They are followed by friends who wish to add their congratulations. after the ceremony
After the ceremony, the bridal party sits down to a lavish dinner, after which, the bride and groom play a number of games. During the ceremony, they will have had threads with knots tied to their wrists. They must attempt to untie these knots, which represent the importance of having patience with one another. Another game involves a large bowl filled with red-coloured milk, in which a number of items have been placed, including a coin. The bride and groom attempt to find the coin and the finder is said to be the person who will be dominant in the marriage.
After dinner, the bride says goodbye to her family and friends. This is a very emotional time, particularly if the bride is emigrating or moving far away from her childhood home. The groom leads the bride to the car, and once in the car, the bride's brother or a male relative covers her with a shawl and wishes her well. The couple stop off at a temple to offer their prayers and seek blessings, before heading off to the groom's home.
The bride is accompanied to the wedding venue by her maternal uncles. She is either carried by them or walks between them. She enters to music of her own choice.
Some interesting facts about Hindu weddings;
- The Hindu marriage usually takes in the bride's hometown or city.
- Traditionally, it is organised and paid for by the bride's parents.
- The bride is known as the Dulhan, the groom as the Dulha.
- One of the customs enjoyed by the Punjabi bride is similar to the throwing of the bridal bouquet in western weddings. If you are hit by the kalira (bauble) on the bride's bangles, you are probably the next to marry!
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